Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
