Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
