i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
