You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
