90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
