Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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