i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
