dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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