i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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