I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
