dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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