I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
