I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
