Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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