you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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