Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
