I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
