Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
