i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
