one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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