i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
nutella sex= disaster
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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