Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
