Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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