Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
