I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
