Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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