If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize