The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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