hell yes lets make some ravioli
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
