Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
