he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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