sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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