Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
