mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
