who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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