If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
