Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.