Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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