What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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