respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
