spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
