I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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