I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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