my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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