I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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