She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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