Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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