My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
