rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
