So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
