I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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