Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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