Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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