Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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