Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
