We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
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The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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