Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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