..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.