I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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