11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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