whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
