We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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