Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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