I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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